Need to breathe

Sometimes I feel like I need to tell myself that
so I can have a little bit of control over my body

I don’t know if that’s true
But I’ve told myself that enough times
that I can believe it

Need to breathe

I used to hear that it was okay to tell people small lies
If it was to protect their feelings
It took me 15 years to realize
that when it came to protecting my own feelings,
I had already lost

Need to breathe
Breathe again

Sometimes I lose track of which stories I’ve told myself
And next thing you know, you wind up
face first inside of a garbage can
garbage made to look like your mother
AND
you can’t help but let your mind wander
AND
all of it leaves you wondering
“What the fuck am I even doing here?”

Need to breathe
Breathe again
Breathe again

This isn’t working
None of this is working